What's new

Omg an update post ... It seems like that's all I'm capable of these days. I'm actually typing this on my phone because I can't seem to get a second to get in the computer. Nolan's already broken the s key off the keyboard, so to preserve the other letters, I never go in there anymore. Mister Nolan is almost 27 months old and I can't believe how quickly time flies. Well I can, he's just so busy and into everything. Especially things he's not supposed to be into. He broke into the freezer yesterday and gnawed on some frozen cake.  He's just so defiant it's ridiculous, the word no means nothing to him.

In other news. We are 11 weeks pregnant, and so freaking excited and terrified. We had talked about trying back in December and I found an opk on clearance at target and then in February I started poas, being the asshole that thought... Oh we'll try this month and get our November baby (hubs and I both have November  birthdays). Good thing I bought the test, I ovulated on cd 27. And I'll be damned, we got pregnant. I wonder it we would have gone through so much stressing with our first pregnancy if we would have bought the kit earlier on with Nolan. So now I'm worried that something will go wrong with this baby because I had a late cycle. I'm such a spazz. It's why I haven't said anything sooner. That, and I've been throwing up every day and just feel like crap every day.

So we're due December 1st (haha on you mom, for planning a November baby!). We have the screening on the 23rd, and I'll breathe a little easier then.

Talk to me!

I know I haven't posted in a while, and I'm sorry. I just can't seem to findd the words, especially after what happened in Connecticut in december.
I bailed from facebook, internet and even texts for a few weeks. I just couldn't stand the media the yelling, and those poor babies pictures. I wanted to be present in my life, and while some of younare awesomesauce at balance and can blog and still be present in your families, I can't. It's just one too many things. In reality, blogging is probably number six on the list of one too many things :(  but I'm learning to slow down, I'm learning to breathe. I have some commitments that are ending by February, but I'm not adding new ones. And for once, I'm not feeling the need to. I'm coming to terms with how my life is. My life is on hold while I raise this amazing little blonde boy, and I'm ok with that. I don't want to sacrifice a moment and need to stop making all of this about me. my husband has to leave a lot for work, and being resentful isn't doing a damn thing but making me pissed off and cranky. So I'm done. Will I still have moments where I stress ? Yes. I am human after all. And I'm not perfect. And that's okay. But I'm trying to make my attitude match that of Nolan's.  And right now, laughing at the antics of my silly little boy and having 342 raspberries blown on my tummy is pretty damn fun.
I chose talk to me for my title because we are hitting major frustration levels in my house when it comes to language.  He wants to communicate soooooo badly, but just can't find the words. He points, but isn't always precise. A point to the other room could mean, look a door, or hey I noticed that here are cookies in the kitchen, lets go eat them.  He tries sometimes, but really doesn't seem to want to learn the words for things, just wants to point. I keep getting told that the language will come, but its frustrating, and I don't know why he cries sometimes, or what he wants. I feel like I'm disappointing him, letting him down. What am I supposed to do? 

Halloween 2012

I love him so much!

Monday snapshot

Somehow, cd 1 just doesn't have the same sad feelings anymore... And Nolan is no longer welcome in my bathroom, especially since he figured out that the cabinets open! This picture was after he took an entire box of tampons and threw them into the bathtub, mama just wants to pee in peace, PLEASE!

Taking A Blogger Break

I haven't been able to keep up with posting like I want to, and I think it's time to officially put myself on blogging hiatus.  I'm fine, the baby is fine, everything is fine. I just can't seem to find the time to blog!  I still read you guys though, so look for my comments!

18 month post

Nolan,
    You are a year and a half old.   Kiddo, we are on the downward slope towards two!  I can't believe that you've come so far, from that little squalling 8 pound thing to now.  I mean don't get me wrong, you still squall, and hit me in the face.  But now you smile with your mouth full of teeth when you do so!

Your doctor visit went well (we're still waiting to see the rheumatologist about the weird labs), you weighed in at 28lbs, measured 33 inches tall, and are sticking to your growth chart curves like a champ.  You also managed to not smush banana all over the room, so I'm counting the appointment as an overall win! 

You have been babbling a lot, but not really stringing together many words.  Your word count is at 10, (ball, bubble, bath, ellie, mama, good girl, this, fish, all done).  The doctor wants me to call the speech therapist to check in and see if you need a visit with them, I'm going to hold off for a little bit, since mama and dada were late talkers. 

You have learned the fine art of temper tantrums, you can go from happy to Norman Bates in about 3 seconds flat.  I'm having a really hard time keeping a straight face, since all I want to do is laugh at your mad face.  I know you're not actually mad, just frustrated.  I know the oven looks like a fun toy, but it's really not... I promise.

You are still going to school (ok it's daycare, but it sounds so much better if I say school!) three days a week, and I have to say, those women have tons of patience, they all still have energy when I pick you up, and you have learned how to scribble and more effectively eat from a spoon all by yourself,  You also stopped hitting every baby that you see.  Someday soon, you'll be ready to date, and not get a restraining order. 

I recently had your curls chopped off again, and while I love how thick your hair is, I am not okay with how much of a big boy you become with short hair.  Must.not.cut.again.  You somehow learned to close your mouth to kiss, and I have to say, I do miss the open mouth slobber fest just a little bit, mostly when it's happening to other people though.  And now for the good stuff.  Nolan's l5 months old pictures.  Or the week or two surrounding it, either way, here's pics of you :)

here

Sorry for the lack of posting lately.  Life has been busy and kicking my butt.  How about a fabulous bullet post?

• we are still in marriage counseling.  He is still an idiot.  Not sure if that's going to be compatible for a lifetime of marriage.
• Nolan is fantastic. He's brave, fearless, sweet, funny, and full of temper tantrums.  But he just Won't talk!  The lack of communication is becoming really frustrating for me and him.  I just don't know what he wants all the time.  We have definitely started the full on throw himself on the floor tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants.  I feel so bad for him, but I don't give in.
• My mom is coming to visit for a little bit.  She is slightly addicted to her grandson. Do they make grandkid interventions?
• Fall is finally here in Nebraska and it feels so good, you know ; when I wear a jacket!  I am working on getting a cold, and my throat isn't feeling so hot.
• I hate our needy, anxiety filled, ridiculous dog.  But my husband insists that the dog is family, and will not get rid of her.  Nice to know where I rank in our family.
• I'm feeling down. Not depressed per se, but just overwhelmed.  Nothing feels right or good in this house right now, and I'm thinking about making some scary big decisions about our family.  But I just don't know what to do. Thus the silence from me, I just don't have time to blog in the midst of all of this.